


The Sorceresses Knight (aka Throbbing Wangs and Bosoms)

by rozurashii



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: M/M, Seifer likes romance, Zell gets around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-25
Updated: 2009-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-10 04:58:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/95740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rozurashii/pseuds/rozurashii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zell gives Seifer some relationship advice and some reading advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sorceresses Knight (aka Throbbing Wangs and Bosoms)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Perkyandproud](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perkyandproud/gifts).



Seifer has taken to reading in the library. Despite having his own single, the dorms are impossible for concentration and even worse for relaxing. The SeeD dorms are even worse because they share an increased sense of camaraderie than the lower classes and even if his privacy lock is engaged someone (Zell) inevitably breaks the encryption anyway.

"You aren't seriously reading 'The Sorceress's Knight'?" Zell says -- as though thinking of him causes him to materialize -- flopping into a seat across the table. He drops a copy of 'Hello Pupurun' in front of him, tapping his fingers restlessly along the cover.

"The fact that my attention is otherwise engaged didn't dissuade you at all?" Seifer asks with a sigh. It never does and his question is mostly rhetorical at this point.

"You're reading '_The Sorceress's Knight_'," Zell says slowly. "If that isn't a cry for an intervention I don't know what is. As far as I know that book is all about throbbing wangs and bosoms and stuff. Sounds like crap."

"It was recommended to me," Seifer says somewhat defensively.

"Ha, by some chick you want to do!"

Seifer doesn't reply. He's been reading the same sentence for the last few minutes and it does in fact have the word 'bosom' in it.

"Oh man, seriously?" Zell has taken the silence as assent, which, though not strictly untrue, is an invitation for some really annoying banter and Seifer knows it. "Wow, I was only kidding. Not one of the library ladies? Because you really don't need to go through all this trouble for them. I'm pretty sure I've banged them all and at _most_ I took one of them to lunch first."

Seifer marks his place and sets the book down. "I still have a hard time believing one girl was willing to have sex with you much less the countless numbers you appear to have gone through."

"The ladies love me!" Zell protests. "Seriously though, the librarians are all easy. I do understand if you're not keen on sloppy seconds but if it's the one with the glasses she will totally be worth it."

There are very few people at Garden who can make Seifer lose it but Zell is certainly a champion among them. Seifer doesn't even have the satisfaction of giving Zell detentions anymore because _technically_ Zell outranks him. It's bullshit. He takes a deep breath instead.

Zell pauses as though waiting for the imminent explosion but when nothing is forthcoming he picks up the thread of conversation where he dropped it. "I say this as your friend, because I'm concerned about you. You really need to take a break from this romance stuff and just get laid. You have this really crap scowl and like wrinkles," Zell gestures on his own face and furrows his brow in a weak imitation, "all up in your forehead."

"I'm going out on a limb here but has it occurred to you that this is none of your business?" Seifer knows the moment the words leave his mouth that it was a stupid question.

"Oh, it occurred to me," Zell agrees. "But then I thought: what kind of friend would I be to just let Seifer suffer alone? Not a great one, let me tell you."

Seifer puts his head in his hands, resisting the urge to thunk it against the table. "And we couldn't have had this so called conversation in a private place?" He asks, muffled against his palms.

Zell carries on as though he hadn't heard. "I was talking to Selphie the other day and _she_ was like, 'why doesn't Seifer get all the ladies because he is totally fine?'. Her words, not mine but still true, right? And so I was like, 'Right? He should be drowning in--'"

Seifer slams one of his hands against Zell's mouth. "Okay, for one you're being completely gross and for two why are you talking to Selphie about how much I'm getting laid?" And for three, a small voice in the back of his head reminded him, why are we still talking about this in the library where anyone, the hot librarian with the glasses included, could walk by at any time?

Zell puffs out his cheeks in a childish pout. "Selphie is my best friend and she likes talking about hot guys after we do it. Plus it really is a mystery that you're not getting sex all the freaking time. I'm not even that into guys and I would completely give it up for you."

There is a dawning sense of horror creeping up Seifer's spine the more Zell talks. To be fair, Zell usually talks as much about history as he does about getting laid (a lot more than people give him credit for on both counts) but he's usually way more circumspect and respectful of the fact that Seifer doesn't share his love of airing private affairs.

"I don't want anyone to 'give it up' for me!" Seifer says, frustrated and a little louder than necessary. It's lunchtime though and the library is still deserted so at least he's not making a big scene. "There is nothing wrong with trying to find a person who doesn't want me for my shitty reputation or for wanting something a little more interesting than no-strings-attached flings."

"And you think some chick who recommended "The Sorceress's Knight" is really going to be your best bet?" Zell asks skeptically. "I'm not saying my way would work for you, it pretty much wouldn't, but if you're so attached to this one idea that you don't try anything else you'll just get all messed up when it doesn't go the way you want it to." He picks up his book and pushes away from the table. "I'm going to check this out. Think about it, though. I know a bunch of girls who would love a no-strings-attached fling with you."

"I realize I haven't been going around putting my dick in everything that moves the way you do, but you should have at least noticed that none of the people I date are girls." Seifer grins into his book as he hears Zell's sputtering laughter.

"You're a bastard, Almasy!" Zell yells across the room. "I'll see you later."

Seifer waves and makes another concerted effort to read his book. It really is crap. And, as Zell pointed out, probably not a good indication of someone who wants him for more than his reputation. He makes it to the end of the chapter before giving it up as a lost cause and abandoning it in favor of his dorm room.

He passes some students he knows on the way over and gets sucked into a brief debate about junction strategies. He's had similar arguments with Zell but those tend to be solved with violence in order to determine whose method is soundest. As if that's the point. He laughs when he leaves and they are still arguing.

It's not the surprise it would have been four months ago to find Zell sitting in Seifer's room as though he belongs there. There is an extra plate from the cafeteria sitting on Seifer's bedside table because Zell can charm anyone, even the lunch ladies.

"Selphie and Raijin are having bonding time and they kicked me out. Which is kind of a bummer because I'm pretty sure this means no more casual sex with Selphie. But I had this idea," Zell says while Seifer slips off his shoes and drops his keys near the door. "I'm not sure you'll go for it."

"Knowing you, probably not," Seifer agrees. He picks up the plate and checks to see what's on the menu. Zell is getting better at remembering Seifer's favorites. It's nearly as good as an apology. "Go ahead though, I'm listening."

Instead of explaining verbally, Zell stands and pushes up against Seifer's side. He crawls under Seifer's arm and, bemused, Seifer sets it across Zell's shoulders. Zell looks up, mouth pursed thoughtfully and though Seifer can see where this is going now (nowhere good) he lets Zell finish whatever he's doing.

"I was trying to figure out how many people fit your criteria, in light of your liking dudes comment, and I determined there are two. But I really don't think Irvine is your type and also he's not that great in the sack," Zell says seriously. Seifer tries not to smile. "Now, I'm not really used to being the small spoon so cuddling could be weird but I'm pretty sure I'm up for all the rest."

"And the whoremongering?" Seifer asks, just to be difficult and not because he doesn't know the answer.

"Donesies! Assuming I'm right about Raijin finally confessing to Selphie, which I am because he told me he was going to and had this humungous bouquet of daisies with him, then Selphie and I can mutually break up no problem. And it's not like I even sleep with other girls more than once. Or maybe twice if it's good."

Zell has been staring up at Seifer this entire time which is doing a lot for helping Seifer to tune out more reminders that Zell is fickle and that his even contemplating some kind of relationship is a bad idea. Seifer sets his plate down and lifts Zell up by the waist, pulling him close. Zell responds appropriately by wrapping his legs around Seifer and grabbing his shoulders to keep from slipping.

"Huh," says Zell after a moment. "That's kind of hot. How much do you want to bet we could do it like this? I mean, not for my first time because I'm _delicate_ and stuff."

"We could do it like this," Seifer agrees. For once not minding that Zell's brain dove immediately for the gutter. He leans in a little, brushing their noses together and wishing for a moment that his hands were free to touch Zell's face. Zell gives a needy whine when Seifer kisses his cheek but doesn't try to take control of the situation. Interesting. His hands slide down to Zell's ass, to hold him up as much as to touch.

When Zell murmurs again, Seifer gives him a kiss on the corner of his mouth and then finally presses their lips together nearly chastely. To this Zell finally objects, twining his hands in Seifer's hair and pulling their mouths together again. Seifer smiles into the kiss, letting Zell nip at his lips and lick into his mouth without protest. He kisses back, not desperate but wanting.

There will be more time for needy kisses, other time for frantic groping, and he fully expects that no matter how much Zell gives, he'll always want more. For now, Seifer is unused to the feel of Zell in his arms, unused to the stubble against his own cheek, and perfectly content to take things slowly.

Zell leans back with a satisfied smile. "Not a bad idea after all?" he asks smugly.

"One of your better ones," Seifer agrees and leans in for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> The working title for this was "Zell is a fratboy" if that gives an indication of characterization and my general mindset while writing. I like to break fandom conventions and the idea that Zell is smart and gets laid often appeals to me; as does Seifer the romantic.


End file.
